Pause With Purpose
Empaths are really caught in a riptide when people turn to them for comfort due to their own problems, and when people turn to them for comfort because the world is spinning out of control.
Empaths have to give all the time. They have to be “on” all the time. It’s their job to “be there” — it’s an innate part of them. They don’t try to save themselves; they try to save everyone else.
An empath will always help others because if they do, their own fear and anxiety disappears for a while. Crises in the world make it even more difficult for them. Empaths are really caught in a riptide when people turn to them for comfort due to their own problems, and when people turn to them for comfort because the world is spinning out of control.
But the thing is, if you fight a riptide, you drown. If you fix your eyes on one spot on the beach and swim for it, the ocean will kill you. Your fear will make that happen even faster. You won’t make it.
Surviving Riptides
To get out of a riptide, you swim in it. You’ll either escape from the edge of it, or you’ll ride it, but either way, you’ll get back to shore. You might be miles away from where you meant to be. But that’s only frightening if you think it is.
Just because you are not in control doesn’t mean you are not living your best life. You can’t control the world-events riptide, but you can be in control of your own riptide, your own emotions.
Pause with Purpose
Self talk only works when you actually hear what you are saying. Empaths today are hearing their own meditations at a far deeper level than before.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that most people know what they need to do. Empaths, especially, have a deep understanding of their situation. All you have to do is trust your own wisdom and intuition.
Sure, there are moments of sadness. You can’t ignore the realities. You can’t accept anything, or grow, or heal yourself through hatred and anger, either. Just like you can’t break a bad habit by hating yourself for it.
Empaths feel the whole world, and you’re sad because you see so much that could be done. You can vividly imagine how we could get away from selfishness and help each other instead. I can relate. When I was a kid, I had a “It’s a Small World” Disneyland toy, and I played the song so incessantly my parents actually broke it.
Wishing for utopia is a beautiful thing. It’s a gift. But only if your utopian wishes leave you in a positive frame of mind. Use those thoughts as teaching moments where you learn about yourself. Really let yourself feel how how big and wonderful this empathy you have truly is. To be able to really feel other people is an incredible gift.
You can feel yourself, too, if you let it happen. Happiness can’t be given to you. It has to come from within. Self love, and gratitude for life, like a kid playing at the beach. We’re all in this riptide together. The survivors are the ones who will be willing to land miles away.
Photo by ART_of_ROSH on Unsplash
When You Can’t Control Your Thoughts, Do This
Thoughts have a life of their own, like when a song you don’t really like plays in your head over and over, and you can’t stop it.
In your mind, you’re carrying around all this stuff, but it’s all jammed together, tangled, and you don’t even know what’s stuck in there. Thoughts have a life of their own, like when a song you don’t really like plays in your head over and over, and you can’t stop it.
When a lot of thoughts are out of control like that, it means you’re stuck in these mental loops that are actually very real addictions. Your brain and your mind do a dance that gets rewarded with hormones, which are amazing drugs and which, high or low, happy or terrifying, are always very intense. Sometimes you might go on a binger for one kind of drug and you’ll repeat this certain type of thought over and over. Sometimes, you’re all over the place, careening through one loop and jumping to another.
The only thing you know for certain is that you are not the one in charge. You are just along for the ride. Your own thoughts can make you cry because they won’t stop. Your own thoughts can make you scream because you can’t channel them. You are at their mercy, and sometimes that is a very dangerous place to be.
You don’t want your consciousness to be mostly your mind running amok. You want to be in charge. But how do you get from a chaotic tangle of addiction loops to being in control?
When You Can’t Control Your Thoughts, Do This:
You need to see your thoughts and experiences, because, as soon as you see them, they’re not that scary anymore. As soon as you see them, they’re in the world with you, they’re real now, and they don’t have to be stuck inside anymore. By looking at them, you gain power over them.
The “whiteboard technique” is a great way to do this. You need to write, by hand, on something physical. A whiteboard or a chalkboard is best, believe it or not, for cultural and visual reasons. Writing by hand is crucial. Write down the worst thoughts in all their glory.
Actively do not judge yourself. Give yourself permission to have felt the way you did, and let the act of writing drain the experience of its power over you.
Then, erase the thoughts you want to let go. This is a critical part of the technique: with your hand and your arm, you literally erase thoughts you don’t want to have anymore. This gives your brain a strong physical understanding of what you want to have happen.
That might not be enough. It might be that an action needs to be taken. But with this, you have begun to take control.
For example, I’ve had many patients plagued by thoughts about an emotional experience at work that they cannot clear away in the workspace because they have to be professional. So they play loops in their mind and it gets them nowhere while exhausting them. Shifting out of a hell realm like that is as hard as it gets. To do it, you have to be accountable to yourself first, and then deal with whatever has to happen in the workplace. That way, when you act in the world, you come from a safe place of reflection and wisdom.
Gain More Control Over Your Thoughts for the Long Term
That’s one of many ways to regain control of your thoughts, but there’s a deeper level you can go to as well. Rather than stopping loops, prevent them from arising in the first place. If you can legitimately get to the erasing part of the whiteboard exercise, then you can get here, too. Every morning, sitting on the edge of your bed, take care of your mind and your brain and your soul. Consciously breathe, from your stomach to your nose, nose to stomach.
Set your intention for the day with one word. Repeat it to yourself. Think to yourself, “That word will be my intentional thought that will carry me through the day.” Anything that occurs during the day, all the good and the bad, attach that word to it. “Abundance,” “Integrity,” “Compassion,” “Love,” a hundred others, names of people even, you use it to frame your thoughts intentionally. You don’t waste energy on loops; you spend energy to gain perspective. Things will still come up, of course, but they won’t take up as much room and they won’t stay as long.
There is always hope, and there is always a way forward from wherever you are. When you can’t control your thoughts, you are suffering in a really disorienting and discouraging way. The fact that you’re reading this article means you’re taking care of yourself, which is exactly what you should be doing.
Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash
Why Am I So Afraid In The Middle Of The Night?
At night, everything you have absorbed floods your soul, and ancient instincts come up to respond to it.
You care deeply. It all begins there. Ever since you were a little kid, you cared deeply about everything. When a puppy was slapped, you felt it more than the puppy. When another child was under attack, you were the one who comforted them afterwards. When you saw awful photographs in the media, you didn’t just witness suffering, you experienced it intensely.
All of that is still with you, because it is a really important part of you. It’s a really beautiful part of you, too, and we’ll get to that in a moment.
Why Am I So Afraid In the Middle of the Night?
Because all the things you haven’t been able to solve during the day are still there.
Because what you said was less than perfect, or what you did was less than perfect, and you have to plot and plan and imagine how to fix it.
Because all the suffering you saw during the day is still there.
Because you are angry at the fact that there is suffering, even though there doesn’t have to be, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Because, in this state of mind, your fear of death is far more acute.
Since you feel other living things so intensely in yourself, you draw all that is happening around you into your experience like a sponge. During the day, when your rational mind is mostly in control, you can channel it into action.
But at night, everything you have absorbed floods your soul, and ancient instincts come up to respond to it. Your body reacts like it’s in immediate danger, like you’re being chased by a lion, even though that’s not what is actually happening. All these survival instincts are in play, but they’re working against you. For you, the intense way you have internalized everything around you creates real fear, actual fear, and your body responds as if it was immediate danger.
At night, all of this takes place in your sub-conscious mind and in a dream-like state, so when you can’t sleep, there’s often no specific thing that you can latch onto. Or, if there is a specific thing, you know full well that it’s only one small part of what’s really going on.
So, what do you do?
When You Are Afraid in the Middle of the Night, Do This
Breathe, and remember a time in your life when you were really connected, and really appreciated, and really good. Maybe there was a birthday party when you were twelve when you did some random little thing that meant a great deal to someone else. Get the visual, imagine the smells, remember the songs, put yourself there.
Remember the child you were before you became the adult you are, when you were truly connected, running around naked in the sun.
Find some comedy on YouTube. Deep laughter makes us remember that we can fill our minds with the good and beautiful things in life. (Personal favorite to get you started: Robin Williams doing standup.)
Pause with Purpose
The fact that that you care so deeply has always made you a special person. Train yourself to cherish yourself. Train your mind to find those memories when you were the good and just hero. Develop a mental Netflix full of them, so you can scroll through several the next time your deep and beautifully caring nature morphs into a racing heart in the middle of the night.
Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash