You care deeply. It all begins there. Ever since you were a little kid, you cared deeply about everything. When a puppy was slapped, you felt it more than the puppy. When another child was under attack, you were the one who comforted them afterwards. When you saw awful photographs in the media, you didn’t just witness suffering, you experienced it intensely.

All of that is still with you, because it is a really important part of you. It’s a really beautiful part of you, too, and we’ll get to that in a moment.

Why Am I So Afraid In the Middle of the Night?

Because all the things you haven’t been able to solve during the day are still there.
Because what you said was less than perfect, or what you did was less than perfect, and you have to plot and plan and imagine how to fix it.
Because all the suffering you saw during the day is still there.
Because you are angry at the fact that there is suffering, even though there doesn’t have to be, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Because, in this state of mind, your fear of death is far more acute.

Since you feel other living things so intensely in yourself, you draw all that is happening around you into your experience like a sponge. During the day, when your rational mind is mostly in control, you can channel it into action.

But at night, everything you have absorbed floods your soul, and ancient instincts come up to respond to it. Your body reacts like it’s in immediate danger, like you’re being chased by a lion, even though that’s not what is actually happening. All these survival instincts are in play, but they’re working against you. For you, the intense way you have internalized everything around you creates real fear, actual fear, and your body responds as if it was immediate danger.

At night, all of this takes place in your sub-conscious mind and in a dream-like state, so when you can’t sleep, there’s often no specific thing that you can latch onto. Or, if there is a specific thing, you know full well that it’s only one small part of what’s really going on.

So, what do you do?

When You Are Afraid in the Middle of the Night, Do This

Breathe, and remember a time in your life when you were really connected, and really appreciated, and really good. Maybe there was a birthday party when you were twelve when you did some random little thing that meant a great deal to someone else. Get the visual, imagine the smells, remember the songs, put yourself there.
Remember the child you were before you became the adult you are, when you were truly connected, running around naked in the sun.
Find some comedy on YouTube. Deep laughter makes us remember that we can fill our minds with the good and beautiful things in life. (Personal favorite to get you started: Robin Williams doing standup.)

Pause with Purpose

The fact that that you care so deeply has always made you a special person. Train yourself to cherish yourself. Train your mind to find those memories when you were the good and just hero. Develop a mental Netflix full of them, so you can scroll through several the next time your deep and beautifully caring nature morphs into a racing heart in the middle of the night.

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash