When You Can’t Control Your Thoughts, Do This
In your mind, you’re carrying around all this stuff, but it’s all jammed together, tangled, and you don’t even know what’s stuck in there. Thoughts have a life of their own, like when a song you don’t really like plays in your head over and over, and you can’t stop it.
When a lot of thoughts are out of control like that, it means you’re stuck in these mental loops that are actually very real addictions. Your brain and your mind do a dance that gets rewarded with hormones, which are amazing drugs and which, high or low, happy or terrifying, are always very intense. Sometimes you might go on a binger for one kind of drug and you’ll repeat this certain type of thought over and over. Sometimes, you’re all over the place, careening through one loop and jumping to another.
The only thing you know for certain is that you are not the one in charge. You are just along for the ride. Your own thoughts can make you cry because they won’t stop. Your own thoughts can make you scream because you can’t channel them. You are at their mercy, and sometimes that is a very dangerous place to be.
You don’t want your consciousness to be mostly your mind running amok. You want to be in charge. But how do you get from a chaotic tangle of addiction loops to being in control?
When You Can’t Control Your Thoughts, Do This:
You need to see your thoughts and experiences, because, as soon as you see them, they’re not that scary anymore. As soon as you see them, they’re in the world with you, they’re real now, and they don’t have to be stuck inside anymore. By looking at them, you gain power over them.
The “whiteboard technique” is a great way to do this. You need to write, by hand, on something physical. A whiteboard or a chalkboard is best, believe it or not, for cultural and visual reasons. Writing by hand is crucial. Write down the worst thoughts in all their glory.
Actively do not judge yourself. Give yourself permission to have felt the way you did, and let the act of writing drain the experience of its power over you.
Then, erase the thoughts you want to let go. This is a critical part of the technique: with your hand and your arm, you literally erase thoughts you don’t want to have anymore. This gives your brain a strong physical understanding of what you want to have happen.
That might not be enough. It might be that an action needs to be taken. But with this, you have begun to take control.
For example, I’ve had many patients plagued by thoughts about an emotional experience at work that they cannot clear away in the workspace because they have to be professional. So they play loops in their mind and it gets them nowhere while exhausting them. Shifting out of a hell realm like that is as hard as it gets. To do it, you have to be accountable to yourself first, and then deal with whatever has to happen in the workplace. That way, when you act in the world, you come from a safe place of reflection and wisdom.
Gain More Control Over Your Thoughts for the Long Term
That’s one of many ways to regain control of your thoughts, but there’s a deeper level you can go to as well. Rather than stopping loops, prevent them from arising in the first place. If you can legitimately get to the erasing part of the whiteboard exercise, then you can get here, too. Every morning, sitting on the edge of your bed, take care of your mind and your brain and your soul. Consciously breathe, from your stomach to your nose, nose to stomach.
Set your intention for the day with one word. Repeat it to yourself. Think to yourself, “That word will be my intentional thought that will carry me through the day.” Anything that occurs during the day, all the good and the bad, attach that word to it. “Abundance,” “Integrity,” “Compassion,” “Love,” a hundred others, names of people even, you use it to frame your thoughts intentionally. You don’t waste energy on loops; you spend energy to gain perspective. Things will still come up, of course, but they won’t take up as much room and they won’t stay as long.
There is always hope, and there is always a way forward from wherever you are. When you can’t control your thoughts, you are suffering in a really disorienting and discouraging way. The fact that you’re reading this article means you’re taking care of yourself, which is exactly what you should be doing.
Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash
